Keep the following in mind when talking with children:

1) Keep it simple and be honest.

Children are often savvy enough to know if adults aren't being honest (they can sense our hesitation and anxiety) and they can get overwhelmed with lengthy explanations. 

We know the Coronavirus is similar to a cold, so our approach to prevention is the same; frequent hand washing with warm soapy water for at least 20 seconds (especially after using the bathroom and playing outside and before eating), keeping your hands away from your face as much as possible, and coughing or sneezing into a tissue or into their elbow instead of their hands. 

It's anticipated that only a small percentage of people would require hospitalization and the news highlights those people. The majority will be okay.

 

2) Validate any concerns or feelings.

We want the students to feel the "4 S's"; Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure. We do that by active listening, helping them to label their feelings, supporting them in asking the questions they need to ask, and validating whatever it is they are experiencing. When they feel seen and heard, they are more likely to have a sense of safety and security. 

 

3) Allow them the space to talk further.

For any kid who appears to need to talk about these concerns or ideas further, let them know they can always ask more questions or re-open the conversation. The "Name It to Tame It" approach helps the child to calm the emotional right brain by talking about their concerns and telling their story using left-brain words and logic.

If your child is upset and shares that he is anxious and worried that he might get sick with the virus and miss school and will get behind on his work, it’s important that your child’s experience of sharing that with you is a positive one, so that they know that coming to you and talking to you us is a good thing!

Try to avoid a "dismiss and deny" response that shows your child you’re not that interested in their feelings about it, or that you’re not able to handle their big feelings. 

That might like sound like:

"There's no need to cry. You're perfectly healthy now. Just make sure to wash your hands and not pick your nose and you'll be fine. You won’t need to miss school. Let’s talk about something less depressing." In that scenario, the child may not feel truly seen and heard. His perception is his reality and he's scared.

Name It to Tame It might look like getting down on eye level with the child and might sound like:

"I can see you're worried about this. I hear you. Some people are feeling worried about this. I'm right here with you, and we can talk about ways you can feel safer. Maybe you can think about your worry as your brain helping you keep yourself safer by being more careful about keeping our bodies healthy. I’m wondering if you are  remembering that you were out sick a couple of days in December. What happened then when you returned to school?"

"I was super worried, but my teacher made time to meet with me and she helped me with a plan of how to finish the work I missed. She told me it would be okay and she had confidence in me. And she emailed you about the plan, too."

"So the last time you missed school, your teacher helped you through it and she told us about how they could help you too. It sounds like they took care of you. Did that help you feel better?

"Yes. My teacher was very nice and helpful."

"I'm so glad to hear that. There are a lot of people who care about you and will help you again just like they did before if you need to miss school. I know keeping on top of your schoolwork is very important to you. We'll make sure to take care of you if that happens. AND we can do lots of things to keep our family healthy."

In that scenario, the child was able to tell his story (left brain logic, order, and words) associated with previous feelings (right brain), while at the same time being heard, seen, and reassured by the adult.

 

Short version:

Don't: "Suck it up and deal, Kid".

Do: "I'm here, I'm listening. We'll get through this together."

 

4) Manage your own big feelings.

Adults really do set the emotional tone for our children. As mammals, our brains are held captive to one another. Our chaos or calm are contagious, especially to those we spend the most time with. If you’re panicked, chaotic internally, and obsessive about the news, you will dial up your child’s anxiety and they will focus on what they can’t control. If you are informed, calm internally, and share bits of information about what we cancontrol, you will dial down your child’s anxiety. You can say something like “It’s great news that the doctors know how this virus gets spread. That means we know some things we can do to be healthy. What do you think we need to do be healthy?” This can also lead to a great conversation about food, sleep, hygiene, etc.  If your own anxiety is feeling more chaotic and dialed up than you would like and you’re having a hard time regulating it, try walking in nature (No earbuds! Just listen to the world and get a break from stimulation!), exercise, having lunch with a friend, mindfulness, and if needed, seek out a mental health professional who can help you with your own emotional waves.