Viewing entries tagged
sports

The Agony of Defeat: How a Parent Can Respond to Losing the Big Game

Here's another sports-related article I've just posted on mom.me.  It's about helping your kids deal with disappointment on the athletic field. --------------

As the Olympics kick into gear and dominate the sports scene over the coming weeks, we’ll get to repeatedly witness what Jim McKay used to call “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.”  The competition itself makes for captivating television, and the climax of the competition is, of course, the thrill or the agony of the competitors.

Let’s look at the agony of defeat.  This can be painful enough to watch when the person going through it is a stranger on TV.  What do you do when your own child is the one hurting?  She’s just lost her big swim meet.  He’s just missed the penalty kick that could’ve won the game.  What do you say when your child is discouraged, and a post-game snack ticket isn’t going to do the trick?

Here are some suggestions.  Hopefully they’ll allow you to address the pain while also teaching the important lessons that painful experiences offer.

Let your child cry, and even sulk.

My husband and I actually teach our kids that during a game, they need to hold it together emotionally.  When their team needs them, that’s a time to focus on the present moment.  When they get upset during the game, we tell them to notice their emotions and then “put your feelings in your pocket,” where they can stay until the game is over.

But after the game, tears should be acknowledged and welcomed.  It’s not exactly groundbreaking science to say that unexpressed feelings can be problematic, both mentally and physically.  So when the game ends, it becomes your job to hold your young athlete while he cries, and to comfort him and soothe him.  It really is crucial that we not only allow, but encourage and teach our children to feel their feelings.  Especially when things haven’t gone their way.  That means we have to . . .

-----------------

Read the rest of the article here.

Dos and Don'ts of Being a Sports Parent

I have a new article (with gallery) up at mom.me that focuses on being a sports parent.  It begins like this. ------------

I’m no expert when it comes to sports. I don’t regularly watch ESPN or check the box scores. But as a mom of three boys who want to play every sport that’s in season, I’ve learned a thing or two over the last few years. A lot of what I’ve learned has to do with what we, as parents, can do to support our kids and help them get the most out of their time on the field or court. Having sat in the stands for literally hundreds of games, and considering that I’ve studied my share of child development research, I feel I’ve seen enough to put together the following list of suggestions. They're all based on one basic principle: How your children feel about sports, and about playing sports, often has a great deal to do with how you act while they’re playing.

-------------

Click here to see the whole piece.